I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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