hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
