I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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