he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Randomize