Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
