...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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