he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Randomize
