I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
