Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
