morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
