I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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