Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
