you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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