I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
