Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
