I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
