I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Drake has all the answers
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
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