There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Randomize
