the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
