Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
