Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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