I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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