How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
