We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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