My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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