Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
