I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
We left an ass print on the piano.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
