dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
