i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
