in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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