I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
