sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
