Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
We need to feng shui this bitch.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
