His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Even the bartender felt bad for me
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I didn't notice because vodka
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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