She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
