i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
