mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
