Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I wish there were birth control emojis
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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