Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
This is my life. Enjoy the view
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
