I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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