so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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