I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
