Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
