i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
