Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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