what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
