pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize