fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
