he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
