you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
well most of my day revolves around power hour
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
