dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
