I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
