if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
You're breaking my sexual little heart
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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