it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
