I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
its liver damage thursday
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
