i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
