I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
