I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
