Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
