Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
