Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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