And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize