He disabled his match.com account in front of me
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
